O'Neill Site Disney Camping RV 101 NASCAR
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O'Neill Site Disney Camping RV 101 NASCAR
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A Trip With Austin, A Toilet Without Pity Highlights
of our January 2004 excursion to Fort Wilderness- known now and forever as
Barf-O-Rama 2004. Players:
Scotty, Heather & Lee (plus three: JR, Kate and Aaron), Jennifer & John
(plus two: Gavin and Austin- his first Disney venture), Meghan, and Mikey &
Christina. (In other words, a bunch of damn kids with no Gramu to police the
streets. Setting:
Site 1439, Big Bear Loop, Fort Wilderness, Kissykissymeeeee, Florida, USA,
Earth, Milky Way Time
Period: Three days: Departure Time of 6,now 7, now 8, now 9, and finally 10:30
am Friday, 23 January to Return Time of 4, now 5, now 8, now 9, and finally 10
pm Sunday 25 January. Disclaimer:
No claims of knowledge, forethought, understanding or patience towards mankind
can or should be expected from the author of this piece. Verse
I Anxious
to stick together in a Grand Caravan of Progress to Disney, we promptly lost
each other in local traffic. Traveling in three cars for a distance of 100
miles, there were two planned stops: McDonalds and Publix.
I’m sure everyone stopped at these places, just not all together. It
seems we’ve all forgotten the meaning of “human chain.” Anyhow,
we (Scott, Meghan, Mikey & Christina, and Gavin) drove through the Reception
Outpost around 2 in the afternoon. Site 1439 was given to us, along with the
usual paraphernalia. Scotty put on a nice show of being fearful of backing into
the site (in broad daylight, no less). None of us bought the act. In fact, an
innocent bystander commented, “That [backing in} didn’t take him more than
60 seconds!” Scott blushed! I told him to stop, as modesty isn’t pretty on
an O’Neill. Our site turned out to be almost as inviting as 1432. Located
right next to the comfort station (Hooray for refurbishment!), 1439 is obviously
a piece of cake to back into, as well as being set up beautifully (lots of
shade, a bit of privacy in the back). Scotty
and Mikey breezed through unhooking and before one could blink, Scott hoofed
over to the Bike Barn to retrieve our reserved (!) golf cart. This was perfect
timing because Gavin was already trying to hotwire our neighbor’s cart! That
boy loves cruising around on a golf cart. The rest of us followed Scott to the
Bike Barn only to encounter a bizarre, new golf cart rental procedure. The cast
member had stripped searched Scott and was in the process of fingerprinting him.
One can only assume his mug shot was already on file (due to his past trespasses
and assault on the albino peacock). When the cast member saw Mikey, she asked
him to turn around slowly, walk away and never come back to the Bike Barn.
Scotty had to sign, in his own blood, several forms in triplicate (you get to
keep the pink copy). Then he handed over all his credit cards and the key to his
heart. Then, and only then, Scott was allowed to take possession of cart 162.
The Bike Barn retained possession of his soul until Sunday morning, when all
rights reverted back to their proper owners. Since
the golf cart was secured, the rest of the family showed up fairly quickly.
There was the usual hubbub- everybody talking and nobody listening. There was so
much dillydallying; no one made it to a park that night. A few of us hopped a
bus to Downtown Mickey Mouse. A cold wind blew us from Marketplace to the West
End, with a quick stop into the world’s Most Over-Priced McDonalds. Twenty
dollars will buy you a French fry and a “Have a nice day”. On
a brighter note, Austin was having a ball- just gazing at all of us in
wonderment. On his first golf cart ride, he acted as though he’d already been
there and done that a million times before! He’s just a natural at camping,
which is good news for everybody but his hotel-loving parents. Gavin was having
a good time as well until he started feeling sick on Saturday night. But let’s
not start vomiting the details of Saturday night yet. First
we must relate our afternoon jaunt into Animal Kingdom. The sun’s influence
kept the cool temperature reasonable. Visiting Animal Kingdom on a cool day is
the best option a person could have (besides eternal happiness). We took full
advantage, exploring Tarzan Rocks, Primeval Whirl and the Bone yard. This was
the author’s first time seeing Tarzan Rocks in four years! The roller blading
monkey men have not lost their appeal, even if Austin did fall asleep
mid-performance. He’s like his mother- easily bored. We must remember not to
bother taking Ozzy to Showbiz Pizza. He would be so bored; he’d probably cry
crocodile tears. Anyhow, the Tarzan show was pleasant- until Heather decided to
act like a groupie- flashing her chest at the beige-suited singer. We escaped
before the riot squad ECV’ed their way in. The
author wishes to offer this ditty to our dearest readers: The painters who stop
traffic to put on their show right in the middle of the thoroughfare are
fantastic! We highly recommend watching this trio- it helps break up the
monotony of everlasting lines. Ever
seen a toilet without a pity? We have. Repeatedly. On Saturday, everyone puked.
Repeatedly. That’s all the author has to say about that. Ever. Sunday
was Epcot day. The author experienced Mission Space for the first time. We
cannot decide what is the best part of the ride: the millions upon millions of
buttons and levers to push and pull, Gary Sinise saying, “It’s Go Time!”,
or the actual launch into simulated space. The only improvement would be if we
could fly home from Mars (after leaving Recindo behind, of course).
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